Bullpiss

'So, do you like Holland?'..

'Oh yes.'

'Nice country?'

'Yes, very nice, verry nice.'

'And eh. . . you walk? You like walking?'

'Wokking? You mean food?'

'Foot, yes. Walking, foot, yes.'

'Sure, wokfood is OK, sometimes.'

'Haha, that's funny.'

'What do you mean funny?'

'What you say, walkfoot, funny expression.'

'Right.'

'In the paper today, is story about Bram Peper. Major of Rotterdam.'

'Major?'

'Well, ex-major.'

'Airforce? Navy?'

'Yes navy. Merchant navy. Big haven, Rotterdam, very big haven.'

'You mean port?'

'No thank you, it's little bit early for me. But anyway, this Bram Peper.'

'Brem Peeper? That's his name?'

'Yes. No. Its Bram, with ah, and than paper, pay-per.'

'Pay per view?'

'No that's his wife. Peper-Kroes, she's called.'

'Right, so you have pay-per-cruise here. Interesting. And what has Brahms got to do with it? They play Brahms on the cruise?'

'Brahms?'

'His name is Brahms you said.'

'Yes, but without the s. Bram, that's his name, Bram Peper. And he is, he was eh, the ex-major.'

'Right, of the Rotterdam merchant navy. . .'

'Yes. Well you know, he. . . well, they say, he eh, he spent money from the city and eh. . . on himsélf. Not as a major but as a private.'

'Right. So this is something in the guy's past, right?'

'Yes, exactly, in the past.'

'So before he became a major, when he was still a private, he took money that didn't belong to him, right?'

'Eh. . . yes. It was his eh, his declaration.'

'Right. So what did he say?'

'What do you mean?'

'You said he made a declaration.'

'Yes, of his eh. . . it was his eh. . . it's called expense bill, you know?'

'Expense Bill? Is that what they called him? That's great. Great nickname.'

'Yes. Anyway, but he eh, he didn't have a bonnetje. You know bonnetje?'

'Bonnetcha? What's that?'

'Eh. . . a paper of the bill, you know?'

'Right, so Bill Paper, also known as Expense Bill, he didn't have a bonnetcha. Okay. Go on, I'm fascinated.'

'Well, anyway, you know, this is Holland. So now, when people ask the ober or something for a bonnetje, they say ''Because if I don't have a bonnetje, I lose my job'', you know? Hahahaha. Dutch humor, you know?'

'Ha. Right.'

'Ah, you want to watch tv. Yes. Sure, go your gang.'

'Yawn, what's that?'

'Yawn?'

'That logo, doesn't it say Yawn?'

'No Yorin, that's Yorin. A new station. Bad station. Very eh, flat.'

'Yorin, funny name.'

'Yes. Actually, there eh, it was a joke, eh. . . when they picked this name, you know, for this station, they didn't realise that in English Yorin means eh, you know, urine. Hahahaha!'

'I don't get it.'

'They didn't know. The station is called Piss! Hahaha. Very stupid.'

'What do you mean? It doen't say URE-in, it says JOR-in.'

'But? You, as an Englishman, when you read that word, what do you say?'

'JOR-in.'

'Not urine?'

'No. Who told you that?'

'Eh. . . are you, how do you say again, taking the piss out of me?'

'No, I'm taking the urine out of Yorin.'

'Ah well, yes. Holland, you know. Haha, very stupid.'

'Right.'

'So, did you see the dikes?'

'We did. Yesterday.'

'Where did you see them?'

'On television. They were getting married.'

'Oh yeah, that's typical old Dutch folklore. When two dikes are joined they always have some sort of ceremony.'

'It's amazing.'

'Oh yes. Did you know that dikes are one of our main export products?'

'It is? So that's where they come from.'

Meer over

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